Now that I am an adult and I have children of my own, the memories of that day have rushed from the debths of my unconsciouness to my most accute awareness. My heart has been broken and I didn't even realized it. Truth be told, I have been in denial my whole life - up until now. With that, a lot of sadness and even anger has emerged.
I have never mentioned this before. Goes to show that we all carry our crosses and these crosses might be hidden way deep within us. I was always afraid to share anything related to it because if your life has flaws, you're judged. If it's perfect, you're judged. There is no win. However, as life goes on, more and more I understand that the judgement of God is the only one I should be worried about.
I do not wish to go to my grave feeling like a victim. I may die fighting. But I rather die fighting than in the midst of bitterness. I absolutely refuse to allow myself in that path. I know that through the atonement any heart can be mended. My wise brother told me today that with time it will stop hurting and I will be at peace again.
But for tonight, I will mourn. I will mourn for that part of me that died years ago...
Whatever happened, I hope you find peace. And people will judge. No matter what. Whether you're perfect or not, even if you are trying your best to be your best. And of course you care. I mean, we live in a society. But it will only hurt if your choices are based on other people's judgments. Do not stop living your life the best way you can because you're afraid of what people say. You might care and that's perfectly normal, but that shouldn't stop you.
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