Confessions of a Traumatized Mother

The boys the day we came home from the hospital

Today is the worldwide General Conference for my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints).  So that means that exactly 6 months ago, I was bringing my lovely baby boys home from the hospital after staying there for 5 days. As we packed, Elder Bednar was giving his talk.

After I delivered the boys, I wrote this post about the delivery (sorry, it's in Portuguese but you can use the translator).  I explained how the delivery was and I was pretty traumatized.  I even told Sam that I would never have babies ever again.  Good thing he was fine with it and still is.

When I look at these pictures I just can't believe how small they were - not to mention cute.  But I remember that even with all the cuteness I was never convinced I wanted to have more babies.  Even with my forever longing to be a mother for so many years... I was just DONE with being pregnant and having more babies.

I studied Psychology and I took a Child Development class.  I learned that women forgets pain.  This can be considered an evolutionary mechanism to keep the specie procreating.  If women were to remember how painful it is to have a baby, they would never want to do it again. All women have it.  It's a hormone that is released into the body.  So what happens? We remember the pain existed, we remember we are traumatized but we forget the pain itself.  To be honest, I don't mind that and yes, I have forgotten how the pain felt like, although I remember I was in the worst pain ever.

So, I have been working on a scrapbook for the boys. They each have their own.  I have kept all of their hospital tags, I developed pictures, etc etc and I am putting everything in it and also writing how things went.  It brought back the memories of that magical moment when you hear the baby cry for the first time, how they are so small, and how much they cling to you and know you.  It is love at first sight.

Then a couple of weeks ago I went to the bookclub meeting I'm part of and the girl that organized it is one of my best friends (she's the one that takes all of our family's professional pictures). Well, she's pregnant and she looks soooo darn cute with her little cute belly. So, I got inspired.

I do for reals now want to have one more baby.  Depending how it goes, maybe two (one at a time though...).

There, I confessed it! :)